Leika Keys キーズ玲香

1 woman. 5 restaurants. 5 drink bars.

While I understand why most tourists visiting a country won’t grace the chain restaurants of their host country their patronage, I would like to take a moment to advocate for the humble family restaurants of Japan. My mom has always insisted on her stance on being opposed to these places seeing no charm in chain establishments that serve formula food and so we never went when I was a child. It wasn’t until I moved to Tokyo in 2021 that I dined at these fine places. Keep in mind, that these are the prime destinations for groups of middle schoolers and groups of fifty-year-old women to sit for hours on end. The goal here isn’t the food, it is just to be. If you can do that, then you can graduate with honors and summa cum laude in family restaurant dining.

Denny’s

I’ve had a vendetta for Denny’s ever since they replaced the local Marie Callender’s in my hometown. Like Kristen Chenoweth in Pushing Daisies, I was loyal to the pie-maker. While I may hold these unkind feelings towards the name brand, they’ve always had a seat open for me when I needed them most. My fondest memory at Denny’s is ordering a hot chocolate somewhere in woodsy northern Nothern California with my cousin, uncle, and grandmother back in 2019 on a pitch-black night after seeing the youngest cousin perform in a play. I forget what the play was. My least fond memory at a Denny’s was in 2021 when my friend/then-roommate and I were there waiting for AAA after her car broke down on the freeway between the Bay Area and Los Angeles. I can’t recall anything that happened in that diner on that day. All I can remember is time passing as we waited for a man with a truck. I don’t think we ate anything.

In Japan though, I first dined at a Denny’s with the same friend/former roommate while visiting her in Hamamatsu, Shizuoka. At different times and for different reasons, we both made the same passage across the Pacific and live in Japan now. Aren’t we charming? Being in Japan you’ll quickly realize it’s not a breakfast-oriented country—a fatal flaw. But there was Denny’s, once again. I ordered their weekend brunch set: a plate of scrambled eggs, cheese french toast (yes it’s savory), sausage, bacon, a little salad, strawberry yogurt, and access to the drink bar.

To the American, Denny’s in Japan is unrecognizable; this is not an American diner. While they serve eggs and toast, they also have rice, salmon, and miso soup on the menu. Family restaurants in Japan, unrestricted by food genres, are borderless—they’ll serve anything. Jack of all trades, master of none, they do everything and none of it extraordinarily well. That’s the deal you make at these establishments, nothing more and nothing less.

Denny’s Japan opened their first location in 1974, and so when my friend/former roommate was dining here, they were celebrating their 50th anniversary with a limited edition redesign of their menu with artist Hisashi Eguchi and it’s so perfect. I can barely use human language to describe the emotions this brings out of me. What is she looking at? Who is the guy? What will they order? Where did she get those jeans? How can I be her? I should have taken the menu home.

Unlike the cowardly Denny’s America, Denny’s Japan has under their employment three mascots, the Dennya’s: Gū (the red one), Rū (the orange one), and Mē (the white/orange one). I’ve always said I love seeing cats—who are typically jobless—employed. Maybe I’ll give Denny’s another shot.

What I’m ordering: whatever their seasonal dessert is

Royal Host

The family restaurant that I have pledged my allegiance to. The missionary who converted me is comedian and artist Takashi Fujii who in 2022, released the album Royal Host Music Restaurant Royal Host in collaboration with the chain. Through and through a pop album, it doesn’t evoke feelings or memories of sitting in a family restaurant so long your ass starts to pang, but of a night out with a new potential love interest. It’s fantastic. A family restaurant can be anything.

What I’m ordering: whatever their seasonal dessert is

Royal Host

Marilyn Monroe even dined at this restaurant for the stars during her honeymoon in Japan with Joe DiMaggio. I haven’t seen Blonde (2022) or read the book but I’ll wager a guess and say that there’s no joyous scene depicting her trying their French onion soup. Joyce Carol Oates, why do you dare ignore history?

I’ve dined at Royal Host three times: once to understand and twice to bring others for their conversion. What I think both Ms. Monroe and Mr. Fujii recognize about Royal Host is that the eatery’s charm is class. When you’re here you’re not family—you’re a guest. When I walk into a Royal Host, I straighten my posture and instead of slumping my way to fetch my 3rd helping of Calpis/Calpico, I weave my way through the chairs to the drink bar with my head held up high. I hope you all do the same. Don’t think you can come in here acting like a fool.

What I’m ordering: the pancake brunch set (salad, French onion soup, pancakes)

Coco’s

With American origins, Coco’s is a restaurant chain that I don’t think most people even know exists in the US and in Japan. I just went here a few months ago for the first time with some coworkers after a shoot. We were filming an episode about Vietnamese workers in Japan and we had just picked up a young woman who ran away from her workplace, where she claims to have endured bullying and illegal work practices. It was 10 PM and before going back to Tokyo to drop her off at a shelter, tired with hunger and also just straight-up tired, we swerved in our van in search of the nearest eatery. It wasn’t the most welcome of sights but there was Coco’s, glowing with its tasteful brown and yellow sign. The woman we were with spoke very little Japanese and we spoke no Vietnamese. We had Coco’s. The food was fine.

What I’m ordering: the hamburg bolognese with low-carb pasta. I hope they’re not lying about the little flag pierced into the egg.

Saizeriya

I once saw a TikTok in which the Japanese user referred to The Cheesecake Factory as the American version of Saizeriya. This is a statement that is so deeply incorrect, I can feel my face getting hot just thinking about it. This is a plea for the rest of you to please be careful about the observations you make about the world and to please stop talking out of your ass in 2024 and forever. First of all, Saizeriya is Italian. And by Italian I mean they mainly serve pasta and pizza, the good people over at Saize don’t dare to experiment with burger eggrolls and taco salads nor should they. Second of all, Saizeriya boasts a humbleness that the Factory doesn’t. While the CF represents American abundance, Saize promises you Japanese modestness. The definitive cheap eat of the family restaurant genre, this place is a love-it-or-hate-it type of place. They serve escargot for 400 yen. So do not come in here demanding more than you deserve. However, starting in 2023, they’ve begun charging 100 yen for grated cheese on top of your pasta. A sign of our terrible times.

What I’m ordering: the penne arrabbiata sounds good to me right now

Jonathan’s 

This is the family restaurant that’s closest to my apartment. I love how round their logo is. And the blue and white stripes with red. It feels like a home that I’ve never been to. Who is Jonathan? I don’t know, I’ve only been once. But I know that once you enter His domain, He offers the world to you, from fried chicken to tomato ramen.

What I’m ordering: the tandoori chicken with Mexican pilaf rice and salad

Gusto

Cat robot waiters. This is what Gusto has to offer us. While other eateries now employ these cat robots (see above for my enthusiasm for working cats), I believe it was Cafe Gusto that was the first to truly adopt these critters, give them a home, and put them to work. I’ve been to Gusto once just to see this sight and I’ll probably never go again unless the Universe has other plans for me, which It often does.

What I’m ordering: I don’t think their food is good enough to have a preference.

*This was originally published in 2024 on my now defunct Substack*